The Mourning before Joy
Today is the 25th of April.
A day that may not be a particularly significant to most people, however is to me.
See, the 25th of April marks the beginning of a life altering week. Seven days covered in beauty, in excitement, in giddiness, with a small hint of fear of the unknown, and a bucket full of contentment. Seven days of dreaming, preparing, laughing and joking with friends, celebrating, before getting a new piece of jewelry and an additional name.
The 25th of April.
Today begins a different kind of countdown for me. 1 week. Just seven days, before I marry the man of my dreams. Surprise, Surprise. Although, everything within me wants to marry Sambulo without a shadow of doubt, my heart aches and yearns for what could have been.
In seven days, we will get married without my family, without most of our closest friends, without gifts and face-to-face well wishes, without decorations or live music, without a flower girl or ring bearer, without the wedding dress I imagined or the fancy Tux Sambulo desired, without a 9 day honeymoon on the beach, without an exquisite cake, and without bridesmaids and groomsmen.
Just us, our pastors, and 16 other individuals which broke my heart to pick to come and celebrate with us, because so many are being left out.
This is not the wedding that I’ve been planning or the one I’ve imagined for the past 7ish years. This past month I’ve been grieving the loss of the wedding I thought I deserved. The wedding I felt God was calling me too. You know the storybook wedding where you’re able to be a princess just for the day.
However, Rona (coronavirus) has us all on edge with heightened caution. Lockdowns, borders closing, and no-fly zones are protecting and preserving our loved ones which is an amazing thing. Just wished it could have waited till 2021.
Yet Another Form of Surrender
Every year I feel as if I’m constantly being called to give things up. This year I really thought things would be only added on to my life. However, here I am again in a familiar state, palms up and surrendering once again of all that is in my hand to the Father. This repetitive stripping me of the things I believe I need and replacing them with His will for my life. I whole heatedly believe in God and know He has my best interest at heart at all times, it just doesn’t feel so nice right now.
So on April 25th I wanted to let all my friends and family know the decision Sambulo and I’ve made with the guidance of our pastors, immediate family members, and a few close friends. I also wanted to encourage you and share what I’m experiencing during this new and very different season. So, I’ll leave you with these few takeaways Abba has dropped into my Spirit over the last few weeks.
Find Comfort in Knowing He Knows Everything
Although my feelings are a little bruised, I’m resting in that fact that I know God always knew this was how I would get married. He may not have willed Coronavirus to kill and cause so much chaos and confusion on earth, but He knew before time began it would happen. Remember He has the victory, and as a body of believers we also are victorious through Christ’s blood shed on calvary. “No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is our through Christ, who loved us” (Romans 8:37.) You are more than a conqueror.
Find Rest in Intimacy
Although not having the wedding of my dreams is hard I am celebrating the blessing of intimacy. In this time specifically we have the ability to slow down and take things as the come. Find a new normal and a balance. Increasing our intimacy with not only Christ, but with those around us. We have the ability to push the reset button, recharge, and get back on track. Although, in a number of ways we are currently suffering there is hope to be had as we wait in Holy expectation of what God will do through our situation. “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed” (Romans 8:18-19). Let your light shine.
Trust the Sustainer Who is Working All Things For Our Good
The word God gave me at the beginning of the year was Sustained. Even now more than ever I’m trusting Christ as my sustainer knowing that His will comes to fruition every time. He is constantly strengthening and supporting us, pushing us to continue without skipping a beat, bearing our burdens without felling weighted or under pressure. He will do what He came to do, His God appointed responsibility, to sustain us especially in times of hardship and the unknown. “And We know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). He’s got you covered.
We are in a season unlike any other season we’ve experienced, and although we may be grieving entirely different things trust and believe the God of all creation knows what we need when we need it.
“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whole there is no variation or shadow due to change.”
Love and Blessings from Eswatini (Swaziland)
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If you would like to bless us with a special monetary wedding gift here is the link for our registry and other platforms I use for gifts.
https://www.honeyfund.com/wedding/ndzinisawedding
Paypal: [email protected]
venmo: BrittineBrady
CashApp: $BrittineBrady2
Thanks for reading friend.
