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I Am Sustained

While fireworks blazed and rushing winds blowing, seated among an unknown crowd of people, I entered into a new year in complete and utter peace. Consequently, the weeks and days leading up to 2020 were unlike any other, I’ve experienced. The struggles I ended 2019 with were very uncommon and quite unfamiliar to me. I am now an engaged woman, attempting to plan a low-budget wedding in a country and culture I’m still unfamiliar with. Besides, I find myself trying to maintain stateside relationships, juggling my work schedule, serving in my local church, and staying present in the day-to-day happenings life. 

Nevertheless, I yearned to end 2019 away from the planning, the opinions, the judgments, and criticisms. Torn away from the hustle and bustle of life abroad; including the expectations intentionally or unintentionally placed upon me. I desired to walk into 2020 next to the one who will honor God and me by changing my last name. Therefore, my fiancé and I traveled across Eswatini, to a gem of a place hidden in the recesses of mountains and trees that touch the sky. In Bulembu, an old-mining town, surrounded by new friends/great hosts during a watch night service: God manifested His will for me in 2020. 

Previously, I’ve disclosed I’m unable to hear the audible voice of God, however, I am fully aware when I feel the Holy Spirit prodding me in a certain direction. If I choose to listen right away, I find myself awestruck by a powerful revelation. Unfortunately, sometimes I choose deafness out of fear or desire to do things my way. New Year’s Eve was inconsistent with other years. 


The word God etched in my heart as we worshipped into the new year. 

By definition sustain means “to strengthen or support physically or mentally; cause to continue or be prolonged for an extended time without interruption; to bear without breaking or falling” (New Oxford Dictionary, other parts of the definition not used).

At first glance, I believed God was calling me to a season to strengthen and support others, to continue without interruption, and to bear (endure) without breaking. Instead, a handful of hours of sleep and a few moments of silence were the perfect recipe to realize, again I was deafening that small still voice. 

         I AM SUSTAINED.

Sustained means: I am reaping the benefits and work of another individual. Someone else is strengthening and supporting me, pushing me to continue without skipping a beat, bearing my burdens without feeling weighted or under pressure. My job is to honor the Sustainer by trusting He’ll do what He came to do, His God-appointed responsibility. 

In Psalm 55:22-23 (AMP) David states, “cast your burden on the Lord [release it] and He will sustain and uphold you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken (slip, fall, fail). But You, O God, will bring down the wicked to the pit of destruction; Men of blood and teachers will not live out half their days. But I will [boldly and unwaveringly] trust in you” [Emphasis added].

God sent His only Son to be the sustainment for all of our unwise choices, detours, and unimaginable things we’ve done or thought, consequently, would’ve kept us away from having eternal life. 2020 for me (and quite possibly for you) is not a year to focus on the things that we can do, but a year to acknowledge the things that we can not do. A year to remember we can only do ALL THINGS alongside our Sustainer. Another year of brokenness and coming to the end of oneself, while allowing God to strengthen and support us, helping us to continue without any interruption, and to bear all of our burdens without breaking.

Thankfully, I am not the Sustainer.

Thankfully, my job is simple.

I’ll trust you Abba for I am Sustained

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