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Panic fills ever fiber of my being. I think to myself, “How could this happen to me? How could God be silent right now? I need to hear your voice Abba.”
I slap my hands to my head, slowly turn to my friend Ngeti (we’ve only known each other for a month now) and with tears flowing down my face I cry out, “I don’t know how God is going to pull this off. I feel like I’m supposed to be here, but how, with who? Ngeti I haven’t received support from the States in so long. How will I survive? I’m barely walking with my head above water right now. It’s like He doesn’t care.”
She slowly raises her head and beings to look at me intently, seeing straight through the fear that the enemy so strategically offered to me on a silver platter, and what she said I can never forget. “Brittine my friend, You need to trust Him. He knows everything you need. He has never failed you yet. Why would He start now?”
Chocking back the tears, wide-eyed with wonder and awe Ngeti states, “look at what God did. You doubted what He could provide for you and look at the doors that He’s opened just for you. This is God’s house. Never forget that. He has special plans for you here in Swaziland.”
Each door that marks the entry point to our different seasons are handcrafted specifically by God. These entry ways are every decision we choose to make, storms and hardships we experience, and traps that the enemy sets to take us out, known before time began by a limitless God. God is not our personal genie who grants wishes at the rub of a lamp. He is a supernatural being who does the supernatural out of love for His children with the intention of drawing all men towards Him.
The God of all creation plans the beginning before the end and knows exactly what tomorrow will bring, however, chooses to keep it under wraps. Why? If we knew the ending of our stories before they began we wouldn’t marvel at the wondrous works of the Father and how He intricately weaves together our stories for the furthering of His kingdom. We wouldn’t set those experiences in our memory as mile markers to remember in the future God’s faithfulness as we endure and remain steadfast.
2019, like all years that preceded it, has been a whirlwind of up and downs, highs and lows, joys and sadness, but God is in it all. His presence is always with me and not for one minute has He ever forsaken me, I have never experienced lack or gone without. I’m constantly reminded of His never-ending goodness, infinite grace, and over-abounding provision.
God knows exactly what we need when we need it and sees fit to not give us the desires of our hearts unless it aligns with His will for our lives at that specific time. Sometimes that’s a hard pill to swallow. We each have fleshly desires that aren’t His plan, however in our hearts believe we need.
I know that I could never fully doubt that there is a God the way that he knits everything together for me, especially in the past few months. September-November of 2018, I was unsure of what ministry the Lord was calling me to, where I would live, how I would be able to stay in Swaziland (which is the country He’s called me to) or where money would come from. How do I continue doing good (God’s work) without growing weary and throwing in the towel?
He had such beautiful plan for me (and he has one for you).
He’s blessed me with a way to continue to minister in Eswatini and constantly reaffirms the calling that He’s given me. Earlier I shared the conversation that I had with my friend Ngeti. I found myself doubting what God is capable of, forgetting the hundreds of ways that He so graciously provided for me in the past. God, however, sent remembrance and hope to me through Ngeti that day, which changed my perspective.
“He has never failed you yet! Why would He start now?
Why would He fail me now? He wouldn’t and He never will. Since then, I have acquired a home that I absolutely adore. A home that I didn’t at first have the ability to pay for. The Lord reminded me that “You have not, because you ask not” and after praying I asked for a few people who believe in me (and what God has called me to) to help me pay the first months rent. I not only payed for March, but was able to pay for April as well.
God didn’t stop there.
After having an extremely draining week, my sweet friend Hannah let me know that she wanted to throw me a housewarming party. It’s as if she saw exhaustion on my face as I mulled over how I was going to fit this into my extensive to-do list. She let me know that I didn’t have to do anything, but show up! The only thing that I could pray was “God you know my need, provide for my empty house” and boy was it empty (with the exception of curtains that Hannah so graciously gave to me. When I arrived at the party I was met with nothing but the Father’s love as missionaries and Emaswati’s came together blessing me, providing me with things that I needed. At the end of that day I needed only a stove and a fridge, but I was grateful for what God had provided and vowed that I would make it work until I had the finances for those appliances.
But God wasn’t finished yet.
I was blessed with a super awesome trip to Durban to hang out on the beach, but that is a story or a blog for another time. During those few days God used two families to bless me with money towards getting a fridge/stove. JESUS!!! I kid you not, the tears were everywhere. I knew what they were giving wouldn’t be enough to get one item, but it was a huge blessing. Again God reminded me, “You have not, because you ask not.” So for the second time that month I prayed for my need and reached out to another set of people who believe in God’s call for my life, and again He showed up. My fridge showed up on March 21st! JESUS!
But God’s Still Not done.
Someone who lives in the same neighborhood as me sent a text stating, “You were saying you need a stove? Come see me.” After that text I told Abba, “your still not done are you?” and He wasn’t. I met up with my neighbor and she shared with me that she had a stove; the oven didn’t work, but it could be mine if I wanted it. Gladly I took it.
Out of my obedience, my continued choice to choose the hard things, and my reckless abandonment of everything familiar and comfortable, God continues to open doors and bless me beyond my wildest dreams. The house that He so graciously gave to me isn’t my house per say. Like Ngeti said “This is God’s house,” and I will use it as such. My desire, which I believe is God’s heart for my home, is to create a space and an atmosphere for people to experience love. Whether that be by hosting dinners, sleepovers, bible studies, movie nights etc… I want every person that walks in God’s house to feel His presence and be overwhelmed by His love. To be loved and to love, that’s the simplicity of the gospel.
So maybe you’re not in “full time ministry” or live abroad like I do. It’s possible that you work a normal 9-5, stay at home with kids, or attend university, however, that doesn’t mean that the Lord can not use you or provide for you in a similar way. You can choose to live a life of ministry wherever you go and the God of miracles will show up. Be obedient. Continue to serve Him. He is in the business of opening doors that seriously no man can shut. Discern what your “God House” is.